August 21st – Having had sugar, I felt much better and headed out for Sunday cake. Dropping onto the canal behind Middleton Hall via the old quarry site, I was held at bay by this bombastic cockerel and his friend who clucked, squawked and generally made me feel very unwelcome indeed.

I swear if you could ever cross a chicken and a goose you’d bring about a creature so mindlessly, relentlessly and fearlessly violent that it would result in the end of the world.

They don’t mess about, chooks, when angry.